A few weeks I saw a really cool commercial about trail running and decided it was my new calling. Hitting the trail sporting some sweet Dry-Fit, breathing in the fresh air, each step taking me closer to my goal of health and wellness (I’m totally kidding myself, I mean great thighs and a flat tummy).
So after work, I embarked upon my first outdoor running excursion. My mind was right, my outfit perfectly suited to wick away the dainty amount of sweat I would soon be wiping from my brow (still kidding myself, I’m a sweater. It’s like Niagra Falls down my spinal canal).
Just me and the trail head. Shall I go right to start off slow? No way. Three mile trek? Done. Steepness: Use extreme caution? You bet.
I talk to myself on a normal basis, but when working to self-motivate, there is the equivalent of a 7th grade Pep Squad in my head. Yeah girl! You get that! You totally look so great right now. But when my energy well started to get a bit parched, the pep squad turned into an internal battle of logic. One part of me thought it was a fantastic idea to run up hill and walk the ridge, the other said start slow and work your way up. Welp, the crazy part won.
It started off pretty easy, some mulch and a slight incline. Then I came to the staircase sketched out of boulders. It was like the Aggro Crag on GUTS, except there was no glitter cannon awaiting my ascent to the summit. After my fourth clumsy scramble over a rock the size of a Volkswagon, I coughed a lung up on the trail, but still plunged onward and upward.
Being the overly competitive person that I am, I found myself unable to stop for a breather when other people are about. So, when near collapsing on the trail, rather than suck up my pride, I decided to deploy my best Christian girl tactic, The Holy Huff n’ Puff. (not to be confused with Hufflepuff….my 2nd favorite House). It’s where I have a “quiet time”, when really I am just trying to remember how to breathe, one lung short, with a waterfall of sweat stinging my eyes. While outdoors getting your fit on, remember one thing. No one can judge you if you are chatting with God.
"Excuse me, ma’am, do you need an oxygen tank? Your face is abnormally red.” Yeah, no thanks lady. I’m having my quiet time on this rock, taking in God’s creation. I only stopped my job to stand in awe of this cedar tree that isn’t at all like the 3,000 others by it. God creates each thing unique, so I am appreciating each tree by bending over to see the roots made by God. I shall inspect them thoroughly…and then puke on them a bit.
You may think I am using God…but I’m not. I’m totally talking to him. Just instead of thanking him for the beauty around me, it’s more of a plea to help me get off of this mountain alive.
I’m packing up my trail shoes and sticking to the gym.
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