Showering is for Yuppies

Let it be known that my shower usage has doubled since I graduated from college. I feel like that is a pretty important point to make. Doubled. At the very least.

That’s not saying much since I showered about twice a week.

Good thing that whole ‘granola’ phase is still going strong. Keep it up oh wearers of fanny packs, Chacos and  keepers of the hammocks. It is due to your love of Mother Nature and conservation that I can get away with waking up 20 minutes before I have to be at work.

If you, too, would like to join me in my sneaky chameleon scheme of blending in with the hippies, but are searching for the proper disguise, have no fear. I have prepared a handy list for your convenience:

1.       Hats that look like afghans or some other sort of crocheted doily(+2 if made from Alpaca fur)

2.       Baby powder to absorb the three day old oil due to shower protests (+1 for every day past three)

3.       Vegan shoes (-7 if you think this is an edible treat)

4.       A fleece jacket that cost more than the average person’s bike (-1 if you bought it anywhere  but REI or Whole Earth)

5.       A bike that cost more than the average person’s car (+3 if you can pedal it backwards)

6.       A loaf of bread for all the sandwiches you will have to eat to pay for #’s 4 & 5. (+1 if its organic)

7.       A ukulele (-1 if only a guitar)

8.       A Frisbee (+1 if used while barefoot +2 if you add a hammock)

9.       Tattoo of favorite verse on either wrist or foot…or if you REALLY love Jesus, both

10.   A five year plan that involves Africa, summer camp, hiking some sort of trail, or ‘finding yourself’. (+5 if you ‘find yourself’ WHILE in Africa, at summer camp, or on some sort of mountainous summit)

11.   Pick favorite bands that utilize a harmonica and lots of area rugs on stage (+7 if they only play in obscure venues that require tents)

12.   Create an online store on Etsy and sell something with birds or mushrooms on it ((+3 if it is for babies) those aren't birds on my background...they're terradactyls...)

I wish I could say that 50% of these didn’t apply to me…I can’t. Welp. I’m off to Africa. See you guys after I find my purpose in life.

But seriously...that would be cool.