Prom Pose with Your Pinot

People love taking couple pics. I mean, they dig it in a big sort of way. ‘Hey, can you take a picture of Mr. Wonderful and me by this tree? And now this flower? And then this door? Oh! This trash bag will look so edgy on Pinterest. Just one more?’  Of course I would love to capture the butterflies and rainbows your love is vomiting out for the camera right now. That sounds way better than enjoying this glass of Cab Sav I’ve been spending some quality time with. 

Apparently ‘single’ is now synonymous with ‘photographer’.

Since the beginning of the interwebs, girls have gotten a thrill of showing off their man and adventures through photography. Followers of these sagas get an in depth look into the life and love of many a well-captured couple. While a good photo can earn you ‘likes’ and ‘pins’ galore, a bad one can bode ominous for future progeny. 

The pity starts for the singles in the group right around picture round number two. After each couple has adequately represented their happiness and general trendiness, they always turn to me with a ‘let’s get a picture of you and….” No worries, World, I have an answer: my drink.

Couple 1. Couple 2. Me and my latte. Couples 3, 4 and 5. Me and my sweet tea. Couples 1,3,5 and 9. Me and my wine.  

Luckily for me, beverages are satisfying and never look like they’re constipated.

Though singlehood has woes of its own, I’m beginning to think I’ve got it easy. Listening to countless women (and bro’s) recount their relationship troubles tells me a few things: 1. We all need to get our lives together and stop being so selfish 2. If everyone were just dating their sweet tea we wouldn’t have this problem. We’d all be fatties and our population would take a dramatic plunge, but on the bright side you wouldn’t spend Friday night crying about how it is now 8:03 and you boyfriend told you he was going to call you at 7:45. He clearly hates you and is going to break up with you because he has found someone else who is skinnier and tells better that’s what she said jokes.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then my Facebook has said almost 1.5 million things about me, without even opening my mouth. Lately, it has said 'This girl is incredibly parched on the reg.' Dehydration aside: watch your crop because you may have an audience.

Pictures are meant to capture moments, yet we each need a minute to compose ourselves before the shutter clicks, transforming our worried, pre-occupied, misplaced hope into the smile we assume is socially acceptable. Live life like the camera is always on you. What do you want your 1000 words to be?