So, Are You Dating Anyone?

What do Christmas and your Singles Ministry have in common?

If you thought it was Jesus….you’re wrong. C’mon Sunday School answer, think outside of the box. Just because church is involved doesn’t mean the answer is always Jesus, sometimes it’s God, or Holy Spirit…..or Nebuchadnezzar.

The answer: They’re always getting in your business trying to play matchmaker. 

Like many a sardonic single has stated, Christmas makes solitude glaringly apparent. As friends and family members depart to spend time with their ‘other’ side of the family, and each start frantically searching for a gift that truly represents their unabashed love for their lobster (read: soulmate…whatever that means), the wary single prepares for the storm of loneliness that may or may not come knocking on their door sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

 Even if you can buck up and make it past the need to stroll hand-in-hand while looking at the Christmas lights, the lack of snogging when the ball drops is sure to elicit some desire to have the opposite sex around…unless it’s that really creepy guy who has been eyeing you all night (which there always is one), in which case my only response is: You’re better than that. Don’t stoop. I promise it won’t be worth it. Just grab another glass of champagne from your friends who are otherwise occupied with their dates and give yourself a toast because you would much rather be that girl who double-fisted Brute all night, then that girl who took a desperate dive into the face of someone’s awkward cousin who was visiting from Kansas for the weekend.

The first question out of the mouths of my aunts, cousins and the women at church are all the same. It is like the married woman mantra: So, are you dating anyone? Apparently, answering that you are really focused on your career right now translates into something along the lines of “I can’t find anyone who will go on a second date with me and all I really want to do is get married, but I’m incapable of sealing the deal”, which is strange because I thought it meant “I’m focusing on my career right now”. Good news: When you say “I do”, you also learn how to read minds. Marriage is magic. 

Half of society is telling me to settle down now, because I’m only getting older, but the other half is telling me I’m still young and need to live life. Interestingly, the Christian crowd is of the former persuasion. 

Somehow Christianity has become synonymous with a married lifestyle, which is strange considering how the writers of our handbook were single and loving it. I’m pretty sure the disciples never sat down and were like look, Bro, I love that you are out spreading the gospel and whatnot…but what I’m really concerned about is your dating life. Are you sure you want to be focusing on your career right now? You should probably find someone to settle down with. After all, you aren’t getting any younger, and your robe is starting to fit a little snug around the waist. I’m just saying. 

Now before all you domestic lovin’ ladies get all up in my kool-aid, I’m going to need you to hear me out. In no way am I saying the marriage is not a good thing, I’m sure it’s great, but it is not, and cannot, be my sole —or soul’s— goal in life.  We were created for more. 

As I beat back the desires brought by singlehood during this season, I want to remember the reason I am celebrating in the first place. (Cue lame Christmas clichés: Jesus is the Reason for the Season, HOLYday, ect.) If you find yourself in that place of longing, dwell on the words of Song of Solomon:

 ⁷ Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
   by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
   until the time is ripe—and you're ready.

                                                The Message

We have to stop forcing ourselves to be ready because it feels like you failed if you aren’t.